In 2020, I choose Me

I can honestly name the moments when I’ve put someone else’s feelings ahead of mine and stayed in toxic situations out of pity. That was me in 2019.

My superpower is adaptability and there are times I’ve viewed this strength as a weakness. I’ve conformed to showcasing many different versions of myself that always fit the mold of who other people want me to be.

Learning to love me unapologetically was always the end goal for my healing journey.

I loved the idea of embracing my nervous quirky laugh. Not freaking out that my weight fluctuates and that I attract different types of men throughout both stages. I am enjoying that I have a strange weird obsession for Mac and cheese, and owning my strong personality by not blaming it on my Virgo traits.

I am no longer apologizing for creating healthy boundaries and not wanting to tolerate bullshit.

We are 10 months into the new year and I’ve embraced all of me.

My life is now surrounded by love & light. My smile is no longer forced and the vibes are genuine.

In 2020, I choose me

My friendships have shifted and no longer revolve around sharing insight/advice. I am not a licensed therapist and I also want to be able to learn from my mistakes. Leading by example does not always mean perfection. As one of my best friends’s always says, we are human. My friends love me patiently and unconditionally.

Throughout this journey, I’ve experienced so many different versions of love. Some have evolved while others have slowly faded into the background. The only form of communication we share is watching each other’s stories on Instagram.

For one, my parents enforced tough love. My reaction to that was a do not disturb sign on my door and a hustle mentality to escape the toxicity. Tough love taught me the importance of protecting my peace. It taught me the importance of saying the words sorry and meaning it.

I’m so used to people enforcing one-sided relationships. As long as they were happy. I was happy. I found contentment in being liked rather than owning my truth. The truth is I like myself and won’t be subjected to society's standards that profits from self-doubt.

Happiness starts with self and I am closing the door on chapters that enabled me to lose my identity.

In 2020, I choose me.

While I know I have so much more growing to do. I am learning patience is key. Life feels so much lighter knowing I am protecting my peace.