Black love is not infatuation, a preference, or an excuse.
Men have often asked if I ever dated outside of my race?
My response is always with a stern no. As if, I am going to be rewarded with a huge badge of honor for sticking with black men.
Don't get me wrong my attraction to a specific person often stimulates beyond race and I typically vibe with those who are intellectual, witty, sarcastic, have dry humor, non-judgmental, and goal orientated.
Basically, I am attracted to people. I, however, ultimately see myself settling down with a black man. I have this unfulfilled longing for black healthy love, raising black children, breaking generational curses, building black wealth, and contributing to cultural characteristics.
It is refreshing to share my strange addiction to mac n cheese and it is always met with the question of, who in my family makes it the best? There is my southern side that always incorporates five different styles of cheeses and prefers for the ends to be a little crisp. Yet. There is also my Caribbean folks who will take the time to make their cheese sauce separately while incorporating different spices and seasonings. Both options leave me warm, fuzzy and satisfied at the end of the day.
I know better than to pick sides outspokenly.
While Mac n cheese is universal I appreciate being able to communicate both family dynamics and there is relatability, whether they are of Caribbean descendants or were exposed to familiar upbringings.
I want to express myself without having to over-share too many details in order to paint the perfect picture.
I do not want to constantly have to teach a man, from another race, that mac n cheese deserves to be pulled out of an oven, why my bonnet sometimes matches my pj's or that the shower cap will not come off during shower sex unless it is wash day.
My choice to date black men is not about preference, excuses, or infatuation. This is about feeding my desires, standards, and staying true to my morals.
Now that we are entering almost a year of living with the spread of covid-19. Game nights are now my highlights.
I've grown to love the game "Black card revoked". The description reads " A fun nostalgia-filled game celebrating American black popular culture. Its bound to invoke hilarious debates among young and old alike. Don't get your black card revoked".
Black card revoked creates an open dialogue sharing the many similar experiences growing up in my community. My favorite question in the game is "Which one of these things is your mom not? The answer options always lead to some type of debate or a long discussion of the many moments our Mothers made up some of the most outlandish phrases.
The answer options are:
B) Boo Boo the fool
C) Somebody else's mother
D) One of your little friends
My friends would often be torn between choosing either B or D and we would share relatable moments of growing up in a black household.
Most phrases are a contribution to the development of our culture.
Are we still using the phrase, you got Mcdonald's money?
Asking for a friend.
I am just practicing for when my little one becomes obsessed with chicken nuggets & french fries.
Lately, I've been taking my dating life a lot more seriously. I just turned thirty and while my career and the multiple side hustles are currently thriving the idea of partnership is weighing on my mind heavy.
Let's be real. I could join the countless women who continue to bash black men. My previous relationships should have absolutely pushed me away from dating within my race. My past would turn anyone bitter but, I've chosen to focus on the positives. I've chosen accountability and to appreciate the positive attributes a lot of black men have contributed to my life.
While I've been taken advantage of, dealt with emotional immaturity, neglected my emotions, been cheated on, and they would not commit. I can't just sit here and blame their toxic traits on the color of their skin.
Those same men turned around and treated women like Queens.
Black men are beautiful, universal, supportive, vulnerable, intellectual, funny, hard-working, family orientated, and many more.
I love their strength and eagerness for progression. Their dry humor and optimistic approach to life. I love the softness in their eyes when they are truly in love. I love their honesty and directiveness. I love how protective they are over family/loved ones. I love how they geek out while watching their TV favorite shows. I love how chillin with their guy friends is the highlight of their week. I love that ass grabbing/slapping is socially acceptable.
I love black men.
side note: I hope my soulmate is not of another race. I'll be out of luck.